I won’t lie. This article was painful to write. Really painful. Sadly, it’s going to be painful for you to read as well, because I know most of you will test out at least one of the 10 apps listed on this page. You don’t want to, but your curiosity will get the better of you. “Is this really that annoying?” you’ll ask yourself. “This guy doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about,” you’ll tell your friends.
Maybe you’re right. But maybe you’re not. I hope for your sake, you never find out. Because what follows are the 10 most annoying apps you will ever download on your iPhone. Just don’t say I didn’t warn ya!
1. Nails Scratching – (LOLriffic Stuff), Free
Just shake your phone or run your fingers up and down the screen to hear a really annoying sound. Not much of an app, and it doesn’t really sound like nails scratching on a chalkboard. More like a squeaky door closing on a duck. Annoying, nonetheless.
2. Fingernails Whistle – (IntroWizard LLC), Free
Shake your phone and it’ll blurt out a catcall just like construction workers do to hot women passing by. Except they really whistle. This is a phone. Both are annoying actually, but this is artificially annoying.
3. Rate My Kiss – (Creative Coefficient Corp.), 99 cents
Yeah, it’s exactly what the name says. Pucker up and kiss the big red lips on your iPhone screen, then sit back and wait for your score. Great for passing germs around!
It’s a sexy-sounding woman reading the alphabet. Yeah, that’s it. Just knowing this even exists and that someone would pay ninety-nine cents for it is annoying.
5. Fart Contest – (Garrett Kendrick), Free
It’s our favorite childhood memories wrapped up in app! Listen to other people’s farts and, yes, rate them. Or even better, submit your own.
6. Talking Orange – (WayDC), Free
Now it’s easier than ever to make a video of your face superimposed on a piece of fruit. As if quick stupid personal videos weren’t annoying enough before, now they’ve added a level of creepiness to the mix.
It’s a cartoonish crybaby who can laugh and giggle one minute and burst out in the most annoying cry the next. Just tilt your iPhone for the “fun.” Chances are you’ll be crying yourself before you uninstall this app.
8. Kazoo – (Chudigi Software), Free
Kazoos are annoying. They’ve always been annoying. They’re annoying in person. And you’d better believe that they’re twice as annoying as an app.
9. Air Horn on Steroids – (Toneaphone, LLC), Free
You know those guys at sporting events who are clearly compensating for something by making a really loud noise with a piercing air horn? Tough to be more annoying than those guys. Unless you have this app on your iPhone and blast it at your co-workers daily when 5 o’clock rolls around.
10. Vuvuzela Goaaal – (RFAMapps), Free
Sorry. Did I say Air Horns at sporting events were annoying? I’ll gladly listen to one of those for 24 hours straight than hear this Vuvuzela app that sounds like a swarm of killer bees circling, while a referee’s whistle blows and someone shouts, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLL!!!”
BIO: Andrew Kardon is a freelance writer who’s written about everything from the Muppets to online shopping. He’s also the president and co-founder of JoeShopping.com, the friendliest coupons and deals site on the web.