Now that Bloodman has made its way from the dark matter of my skull to the bright lights of the bookstore, people ask about Jake Cole, my broken man extraordinaire. The questions catch me off-guard because readers are asking about someone who doesn’t exist. And this is where things start to get interesting.
Jake Cole does exist: in my head, in yours, and on the page. It’s a little like witchcraft when I think about it. The act of putting him down on paper has infused him with life. And since I know who he is, I know what he would never do. Here are the top 25 things Jake Cole would never do.
Take a ballroom dancing class.
Wear pants with pleats.
Listen to Nickelback.
Join a cheese club.
Hit a dog.
Get a facelift.
Buy a ride-on mower.
Take a spinning class.
Frost his tips.
Wear capri pants.
Watch The Bridges of Madison County.
Tie a yellow cable knit sweater over his shoulders.
Suggest a Bed and Breakfast in wine country.
Complain about the price of gas.
Drink diet anything.
Join a fraternity.
Buy a smoothie machine.
Turn his back on a fight.
Use a straw.
Read a consumer report before buying a car.
Watch someone get mugged without doing something about it.