After watching and inexplicably connecting with all of the spots — I have opposable thumbs conducive to the iPhone's new shape! I think "ears are weird" too! — I decided it was time to take advantage of my upgrade and roll into the Apple flagship store on 14th street.
I walked through the empty streets of the Meatpacking District — that crowd won't be having brunch for hours — and entered a similarly empty Apple store (first warning sign). I made my way to a chipper Apple employee.
"So," I asked, smiling and naive. "What are the chances of my getting an iPhone 5?"
"Well," he says, "We're out of stock ... unless ... do you have a Sprint?"
AT&T. But I'm pretty sure my parents had a Sprint family plan in 2001! (This counts for less than nothing).
Dejected, I ask if there's any way that they'll get any more.
And, here's where you should listen up New Yorkers, according to the Apple employee, New York flagship stores tend to get shipments in on Saturdays. So there's kind of sort of a chance that they might get new phones in at some point today, but they don't know for sure. He didn't speak in any absolute statements, as if he knew he were talking to a reporter.
"So how do I know if this amazing shipment has come in?" I asked, eyes again bright, faith in humanity restored. "Do you tweet that out?"
"That would create a dangerous situation," he said. "You'll be able to tell because they'll be a line down the block out the door."
"But there's no way for a heads up or—"
"No. But If you live in the area, you can just be on the watch for a long line!"
So there you have it, folks. There might be a new shipment of iPhone 5s, but your only warning sign will be a crowd clamoring for a few models. I'm going to go drown my sorrows with pancakes.