Dr. Diana Kirschner: Yes. But
not when I started dating! I was caught in a web of dead-end patterns. I wanted
the guys who didn’t want me, partied and tried too hard, settled for crumbs,
got dumped in humiliating ways, and hid out with pints of Häagen-Dazs coffee
ice cream. So starting in graduate school, I studied happy couples (hard to
find, but I did) and apprenticed with Eastern and Western mentors to learn the
lessons that would allow me to live in a state of love. And I was surprised—shocked,
actually—to be able to find and marry my real soulmate, Sam, with whom I’ve
shared more than 25 years. And I've helped thousands of others find their own soulmate
Q: Many people say that love "just happens" or comes when you’re
not looking. But you believe that single women should make finding love a
idea that love will "just happen" is the biggest myth! In what other area of
your life would you think that way? Would you ever say, "If I were meant
to be fit, it would just happen?" or "If I were meant to learn French,
it would just happen?" To be great at finding soulmate love, you have to create
the intention to give yourself a just-right-for-you partner, learn how to date
quality guys, and devote time and energy to the relationship.
Q: Women often complain that they can’t even find one good guy to
date. How should they look for great men?
easy to find great guys online. In my book, I identify the best sites for you
to join. First, you become a paid subscriber to one of the larger,
well-publicized sites and a boutique
or specialized one that caters to your interests or background. Then I show you
how to optimize your profile so that men see you first when they search—which
means you will have a lot more guys connecting with you. After that, it is just
a matter of weeding out the DUDs(Definitely
Unworkable Dudes) from the STUDs (Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes).
Q: What special
dating tips do you offer in your new book?
DK: I show
you exactly how to attract alpha males or more sensitive, spiritual, or
religious men, depending on the kind of soulmate you want. Mastering how to attract
and date a great guy who is just right for you is actually not that hard. It’s
kind of like learning to ride a bike. There are only six simple principles, and
they are all laid out for you in the book.