Duke Nukem is a shoot ‘em up app for Android containing a deluge of softcore pornography, heavily pixellated graphics and a dire set of touchscreen controls. It may have been acceptable in the 90s but thank the heavens times have moved on.
Android gunplay apps are notoriously hard to pull off because they require the use of a sophisticated multitouch control system on a comparatively small screen. Anyone with a passing knowledge of the Duke Nukem franchise will be fully aware that the word ‘sophisticated’ is not in this pistol-toting moron’s lexicon. As such, the Duke’s first (and hopefully last) outing on Android was a truly dreadful experience from the start of the app to the moment we gave up on it in sheer disgust.
The game’s insurmountable problem is control sensitivity. Until you find the precise balance that renders the game playable, Duke will skate from one end of a room to other room like he’s Usain Bolt running for the 100 metres world record. The same law applies to your crosshairs which will flit around the touchscreen without any real rhyme or reason. Worse still the shoot, jump and crouch buttons often fail to register your frantic taps at all.
Perhaps we’d be more forgiving if Duke Nukem 3D had a compelling story or a decent set of graphics to its name. Being a port of a nearly 16-year-old game, the predominant colours splattered across Duke’s urban wasteland are brown, grey and crimson red. Ironically, the greatest instances of the app’s graphical prowess are exacted on twitching gifs of scantily clad women, not exactly a subject the Android Market is short on anyway.
Despite all this, Duke Nukem 3D seems to be selling extremely well, we assume this is down to a combination of misplaced nostalgia and the cheap £0.63 download price for its first episode. This allure is partially understandable but take our advice and resist this horrible app at all costs.
The Bottom Line
A diabolical control system is the lowlight of a terrible shoot ‘em up app.
Version reviewed 1.0.7
Requires Android 1.6 or higher