Here we are, gathered once again for what's always expected to be an ecstatic cross between Christmas and the Rapture: Apple's latest media event and the unveiling of the latest iPhone. (Also, the iPhone's less exciting little sister, the iPod nano, got a bigger screen and an FM tuner.)
Tim Cook rattled off facts like the iPad accounts for 91 percent of tablet-drive web traffic and that there are now 700,000 apps available for download in the store. He apparently restrained himself from adding, "Ya burnt, Bezos!" though no doubt it required substantial self-control.
Then came the moment of truth when, according to the variousliveblogs, the iPhone 5 rose up from the floor on a spinning pedestal. The new iPhone--shipping September 21, ladies and gentlemen, with preorders starting September 14--is wider, with a brand-new four-inch display. It's now a mere 7.6mm thick.That means bigger apps and widescreen videos, as well as universal rejoicing among all the peoples of the land.
A 16GB model will set you back a mere $199, with a two-year contract. The new processor, the A6, promises faster performance across the board--as much as twice as fast. You can now even take panoramic photos, obliterating the last great use case for the dedicated digital camera.
Perhaps you're not quite getting it? Let Apple spell it out for you: "The ocean looks bluer in the iPhone 5. Kids look happier and the world is a more beautiful place."
Luckily, we were able to get our hands on a bit of found footage:
The ceremonial tossing of the iPhone 4 into the ocean will be held later this afternoon, at beaches around the country.
As for the non fanboys out there? Time to cut a deal: