Occasionally, a story will catch my eye that’ll cause me to do a double take. Every now and again, I’ll read an article and have to read it again, unsure if what just passed my eyes is real, or some bizarre, insomnia-induced hallucination. This was one such story. Apparently, some guy named Stuart Hughes has designed a spiffy, sexy looking iPad 2. It’s called the iPad 2 Gold Edition, and it costs $8,000,000.00.
No, that is not a typo. Hughes, the designer of this monstrosity, boasted that it’s “the world’s most expensive iPad.” So what exactly differentiates this gadget from your standard, run of the mill iPad? Does it have eighty gigabytes of processing power? A two hundred gigabyte solid state drive? Time travel capabilities?
Nothing like that, I assure you.
Decadence: Now in Tablet Form!
Apparently, it’s all aesthetic. The Apple logo is “encrusted with 12.5 cts of ‘I’F’ Flawless diamonds, a magnificent total of 53 individually sety sparkling gems.” As if that’s not gauche enough, the entire iPad 2 has been outfitted with 24ct gold, bringing the weight to somewhere around 2 kg to the standard model’s 600 g. Oh, but we’re not done yet. There’s more!
It also ships with a custom-designed app that laughs at poor people for you.
The front frame of this, um…thing…is “made from the oldest rock the world has to offer in the form of Ammolite, sourced from Canada; this stone is over 75 million years old.” This Ammolite has apparently been laced with “sections of a 65 million year old T-Rex Dinosaurs thigh bone that was splintered and then shaved into the Ammolite.” What the…why is this even necessary?
Wait, What? Why?
This isn’t the first obscenely-priced, totally unnecessary item Mr. Hughes is responsible for, either. Apparently this guy created an eight million dollar iPhone, dubbing it “the world’s most expensive mobile phone.” I don’t know what’s worse- that this guy designed an 8 million dollar iPhone, or that someone actually bought the damned thing.
It’s just all so…unnecessary. I mean, honestly? Who’s going to actually know- or care, for that matter- that you have the thigh bone of a dinosaur in the frame of your status symbol? Who’s going to give two craps that you’ve taken something that belongs in a museum, and turned it into a gaudy example of your poor spending habits? I mean…I knew Apple products used to be something of a status symbol, but this is downright ridiculous.
You might as well just get your dog gold-plated.
I guess you can’t really blame Hughes for what he’s done. He’s just the guy who made the thing. Guess he understood that there were a lot of people who’d pay for…this. Instead of, y’know…actually spending their cash on something useful or worthwhile. The only possible reason I can think of for buying this-bar none- is that you’ve more money than brains, and want to rub that fact in other people’s faces.
Because, honestly? I don’t even think it looks that great. I mean, sure, it’s stylish. Sure, it’s fancy. But it definitely doesn’t look like it’s worth 8 million dollars.
You know, there’s actually a spot of humor here. Want to know why? Apple’s hinted that they’re going to be releasing the iPad 3 in September. So, to anyone who buys this, erm…interesting product: Enjoy your overpriced monstrosity. The rest of us will be using a higher-quality, less expensive variant. Though a gold-plated iPad 3 will likely release soon, as well. Perhaps that model will have a frame made of stone harvested from the ruins of Atlantis. Actually, that’d be kind of cool. Assuming this doesn’t dissuade you; once you do have your tablet in hand, just know that somewhere, there’s a legless T-rex fossil that would cry if it could see what you did with its legs. At least, it would if it had tear ducts.
Anyway, according to Hughes; only two of these will be made. So, yeah. Hurry on over and grab one, because I’m sure they’ll sell like wildfire.