Timmy Failure’s One and Only Interview… With Best Friend Rollo Tookus

Timmy Failure is the President and CEO, along with his partner, Total the polar bear, of Total Failure, Inc., run the greatest detective agency in town, perhaps the state, maybe even the nation…or so he thinks. In reality Timmy is the equivalent of “Sherlock Hopeless” but he presses on, case by case, in pursuit of fame and fortune in the crime solving world. One thing Timmy never wavers on is his own greatness, and since time is money, he is very selective about interviews and press. These opportunities are reserved for best friends only...

The thing about being a world-famous detective is that everyone wants a piece of you.

And there is only so much Timmy to go around.

Thus far, I have granted only one interview request. To my best friend Rollo Tookus.

So I hand him a list of interview questions. 

"What are these?" asks Rollo.

"The queries," I tell him. "I suspected you'd come unprepared. So I drafted the questions myself."

"I can't ask this," he says, glancing down at the first question.

"Read it," I tell him. "You've insulted me enough already."

He clears his throat and mumbles.

"'Were you born great or did you make yourself great?'" 

I rise from my seat. And walk toward the door.

"What?" he asks. "It's your silly question."

"I don't like your tone." 

"My tone?" he asks. "Where are you going?"

"I'm walking out on the interview. Let this be a lesson."'

But it is my room we are sitting in. 

So I walk back in.

"Please leave," I tell him. 

"Fine," he says. "I have homework anyway."

"Fine," I say. "And if you have any more questions, you'll have to go through my publicist. I'm sure he won't be pleased with you either."

"Your publicist?" he says. "Who's your publicist?"

But I don't answer.

So he leaves.

And trips over my publicist.